Ivan Budiani

Ivan Budiani

26 years old

Born and raised in Bali, Indonesia

Who am I in the world?

I am a proud daughter, a beloved older sister, a lover of myself, and a limitless dreamer of my own reality. I am an independent, cheerful girl, inside and out. I stand for myself and loving myself as I deserve. I spend most of my time in nature, practicing self-acceptance and self-appreciation every single day. I've also been a yoga practitioner for three years and counting. I completed my 200 hours of yoga teacher training last year and continue practicing every day at home. I'm a lover of my life and live it with the best version of myself. 

I'm on the mission of reconnecting myself with sources of energy and the little girl inside. She is that little girl who lived a childhood full of insecurities. She had too many scars to hide and she blamed herself for being born that way. She cried a lot, just looking at the mirror and seeing her own body.

The story that I want to rewrite for women:

I want to encourage all women to accept and appreciate themselves as they are, to love their own bodies, and be more comfortable in their own skin. We are all born unique and we are special. We all have scars. That is what makes us who we are now.  Every little spot or mark is yours to be proud of. It's normal to have stretch marks, or pimples on your cheeks, to not have a perfect body like the girl on Instagram. You are simply you.

When I was just a little girl, I saw all the other girls my age having perfect skin and playing like normal kids. And there I was, sitting in my room, crying and blaming myself for being sick. I was very sick through much of my childhood, my body covered with painful sores. The hurt was such that I could not even walk properly. This is not an easy thing to reveal, as I have never told anyone about this before. I always wanted others to believe I had the most carefree, perfect life. Even now, sometimes I don't want anyone to know where I've been, that I have struggled, that I was an ugly duckling. I know these scars will be forever with me and my sad memories from my childhood will remain. But that little girl inside is becoming a proud woman, still struggling at times, but learning to stand for herself. 

So here I am now, trying to tell her, and you, that it is okay. It is okay to hurt; it is okay to have doubts; it is okay to not be perfect. But always believe you will recover. My little girl doesn't need to hide those scars anymore. She is told every day that she is important and special, that I love her so much, no matter what she was. I accept her fully and am excited to see who she can become. 

The story that I next want to write to myself:

I want to keep loving myself and encouraging people around me to do the same. Everyone has their own scars. I want to continue being this happy girl who is not afraid to show hers. Because I believe, if I can accept myself fully, I won't be afraid of not being accepted by anyone else.