How does a girl know how to be a woman,
When she was not really mothered?
Where she so often mothered herself
Yet a part of her never fully grew up
How does this girl learn to be raw, honest and vulnerable
Where her lifetime of relating experiences
Mimic that she should hold herself tightly, ensuring others were happy
How does this girl find comfort where there are shakey foundations?
How does she move from valuing love, connection and integrity,
To living these fully?
How does this girl find the stillness she desires,
Amongst a lifetime of chaos and drama
How does this girl find the wholeness of womanhood,
While pushing through the bandaids and shallow graves of old wounds?
How does this girl truelly nurture herself and others,
Where it feels easier to keep running
And putting out spot fires as she leaps
How does this girl call on her courage
To build the depth, meaning and deeply nourishing relationships
Home and life that she craves?
She doesn’t want to run anymore
She wants to be fully seen and to show up truly as she is
She craves boldness, passion, wildness
And the freedom of her open heart and soul
She knows she is there, she knows who she is, yet she feels held at bay
How does she overcome herself
So that she can exist here in her full expression?
She thought she had it before, and now sees the fault lines and cracks
Which led to her eruption.
She knows deep in her soul that this was needed
Over and over again
The mere act of trying things on and releasing them
Has brought her closer to her whole
She is a truth seeker, she is loving and brave, she dreams of a better world
And does her best to contribute
And she craves her community
She will allow herself to fall apart
When her old truth is no longer her new truth
She may always be in the process of becoming,
And this may be her only truth
She is growing in her acceptance, appreciation and gentle loving,
That this may be her version of womanhood.
She may forever creates herself in her unfolding
She may never know the process of becoming a woman
Yet she can relish in sewing pieces to the patchwork quilt that has become the artwork of her life
She can wrap her bare, naked, beautiful and vulnerable body in her quilt
And stand boldly as she speaks her heart and souls truth, as it stands today
Knowing that this is one of many chapters of her evolution
She can nurture herself
As she does the memory of her mother and the other women in her lineage
Relishing in the array of choices in her life
That they were not exposed to
She can wear flowers in her curly hair
To remind her of how she flourishes
She can find her home in her heart and soul
She can show up in the essence of who she is
And in doing so, create her own expression of freedom
She can relish in beauty and pain, knowing fully that neither exists alone
She can give herself permission to unravel the tightly wound up girl inside
Making space for the flowing woman that is becoming of her
She can learn to mother and take the very best care of herself
And in doing so, she can create her own version of woman
By Michelle Andrea Gardiner, written in September 2017